As my uncle was a teacher, I got to hear a lot of clothing horror stories. Thank you for writing about your experience. So to sum up, kids need to respect themselves and others by wearing appropriate clothing in schools and workplaces, school is a workplace for many, so those rules do apply.
20 Fashion Problems You’ll Only Understand If You Have Big Boobs
By purchasing a ticket, she is implying that she is willing to abide to the rules of the people running the prom. Nor does it mean she was automatically in the wrong because she wore a tight dress. She followed the rules, she was kicked out, and it was because they made up rules against her. She did abide by the rules! Does the dress code also say something about tightness? She followed the rules, she was kicked out despite having followed the rules, and you think because it is a private function this is okay?
If a rape occurs at a private function, is that okay? How about bullying, abuse, racism? The answer is no. It is never, ever okay to belittle, demean, demoralize, gang up on or persecute anybody, regardless of the public or private nature in which it takes place. They simply asked her to leave. She was wearing a tight dress that could easily slide upwards. She was not being belittled.
They seriously just made her leave. They are not breaking any laws by doing this. I was there and witnessed the dress. If she wanted to be treated differently, she should have attended a different prom. Denying her a witness is also illegal. Did you attend this event? Because it sounds like you know nothing about the organization. Because it was tight? Because it was revealing? Did her boobs pop out? You have already stated that she followed the rules.
Ergo she was discriminated against. Its a freaking homeschool prom. They chaperons have the right to say it looked too revealing. If she wanted to be treated with dignity and respect, she should expect to be treated as such wherever she goes, whether she walks in wearing a tight dress or nothing at all.
Please remember your god hung out with lepers and whores. My friend was also called out because her top was slightly too revealing. Finger tip length is finger tip length. She met that test and it looks petty that she was thrown out because it rode up a bit while she was moving. D must have been ogling her quite persistently if she noticed the dress ride up a few times.
If this happened to you and you were kicked out, would you be so ambivalent about it now? Please go and explain feminism to every man who does not understand it. No need to apologise for your gender. I never see men talking with this much clarity about such issues online i hardly ever see men say positive things about feminism online. KPM, throughout this thread you are demonstrating quite handily that h0mesk00led kids do not necessarily get any better educated than public-school kids.
Maybe this is a prejudice against the Old South, but might you have been kicked out because of your boyfriend? BTW, he and you were both dressed very nicely for a prom. Just a bunch of old racist slavers in the balcony. That is prejudice against the South.
That might have been the way it used to be, but things change. I am from Texas and currently live in the North temporarily. I am learning all sorts of new slurs I have never heard before and the true meaning of segregation. Also, all my Southern black friends who come up north always comment that they are treated worse when they go north not that things are perfect in the South.
Those sorts of interracial couples have the stories with the largest disparities in how they are treated in cities in the South Houston, Orlando vs. A German girl I knew who was dating a black man in Florida talked about visiting his parents in Chicago and how everyone but his family treated them like they were pariahs. Being mixed myself with Asian, White, and Hispanic, I have experienced an alienation that I have never felt back home.
Georgia might be an exception. Texas is a long way from the capital of the old Confederacy. And it is definitely segregated except specific neighborhoods in the center of their largest city. The racism is just done in private, rather than broadcasted.
And if you look up the statistics, the most segregated cities are northern ones. And northern schools are far more segregated than anything the South has a comparable example to. Northerner here who agrees that racism is certainly not limited to the South. I found out as an adult that I grew up next to at least one sundown town. Good for you, both for knowing how fucked up this is and for refusing to let it make you feel bad about yourself.
The LB Gorilla in the room may be that she was with a young black gentleman as her date. Were there a lot of bi racial couples at the date? If there were then I am wrong and glad to be so. Either way I feel badly for Clare and as a father of 5 daughters I am disgusted by the way she was treated.
She sounds like a fine young lady with a bright future. Like many events during the teen years this will be a forgotten memory in the rear view mirror soon enough. The people from the North posting here need to understand that the majority of the South has moved on from all that you see portrayed in movies. We are also not like the North. I was not making a geographical statement. I live in NC. Racism is everywhere as far as I can tell and certainly knows no boundaries.
It would seem to be that I was mistaken on that assumption which I certainly acknowledged as a possibility in my first post. It sounds more likely that like she ran in to some sexually uptight and frustrated adults that decided she was the flavor of the evening to take out their shortcomings on. As mentioned , whatever the reason, she was clearly wronged. Black friends from down South who go north agree. And bi-racial couples who go north have agreed.
There have been extensive studies on the fact that Northern schools and cities are the most segregated in the country. Just do a search on it. Plus, there are a lot of homeschool Christians, such as the family I grew up in, that devoutly believe in the equality of the races but not the equality of the genders.
So it is definitely not applicable to those kinds of groups, unless the poster says so. I know you mean well dad, but she will never forget this. This did damage and left a scar. What the chaperones did was deliver the message that male privilege dictates what girls can do and when and where they can do it.
Senior Prom is a big deal. Its a huge power trip to allow someone to stay or throw them out. But not for a bad reason. I had parents who always tried to downplay the effects of something bad happening. I know they did it in the hopes that I really would forget about it.
But that only caused more pain. So in the end, I had 2 bad memories: You are a fierce feminist. I love how this post is written. Proud to share womanosity with you! Xtian hypocrisy at its finest. Disgusting practices that have no place in a civilized world.
She looks very beautiful, sure, but nothing like a sex object. If these men were really having trouble here, then A Their wives need to have a talk with them, and B their wives need to spend more time with them. They are grown-ass men. They cannot have become same in this society without understanding at some level that men openly ogling women in public is at best crass, at worst perceivable by the women in question as threatening.
Badly, rudely handled by the PTB. And as always, placing the responsibility for what supposedly adult men think … on women — and in this instance, women young enough not to be able to legally drink or vote.
If this was a public school prom, public outrage would have fixed the problem almost immediately. But these parents and organizers are accountable to no one but themselves and doubtless are taking pride that we, the unbelievers, are attacking their superior moral stance on the issue.
Not all religions oppress women, but these is a definite tendency among them to prescribe the behavior of women in order to protect men from sin. Because, obviously, men are not accountable for their own actions. Clare, you look beautiful in these pictures, and I have to say that your boyfriend looks handsome here as well.
I hate the idea that women are responsible for the thoughts that men have about us, and it sucks that your prom was ruined because a few adults were incapable of behaving in a mature fashion.
At least the group you were with stood by you. Having such good friends by your side can make even the most unjust situations more bearable. You did a great job of articulating yourself here, and I like that you admitted to flipping off the security guards. It may not be an excuse, but being angry makes perfect sense given the circumstances. I find her dress to be unquestionably classy. The Partician South is still completely racist, so she was looking to make an example of you.
It seems to me that the female chaperone was the one with the problem and was just blaming the dads, but who knows what really happened. I hope you get your refunds, and the homeschool prom gets a LOT of negative press. I had to call my mom and tell her to bring me a cover.. If those women ywere jealous of their husbands looking at an attractive young woman, they should have told their husbands not to look. Men have a responsibility to not be sleazy and to control their own eyes. I am sorry you were treated in such a manner by men and women who claim ostensibly to be Christians.
I admire that you took the actions to speak out and share your story and views. You will be dealt a lot of unfair hands in life because you are a woman; this is — unfortunately — just the first of many. It is women like you standing up for themselves that help to make change happen.
I hope you will keep fighting the good fight. At times, you may need to choose your battles. And, as you point out in your blog post, you will earn more credibility when you argue your points calmly and respectfully, even when those same courtesies are not given to you. Thank you for speaking out and remember — the best revenge is living well.
She looked like a very innocent young girl. They should have been down on their knees begging for strength from their Lord to resist these thoughts. But that would require them actually living up to their religious claims instead of sitting back and blaming the world for their problems. Those men are an embarrassment to Christian men, everywhere. Sorry to hear you had to go through that. Judging by your pics, the dress was pretty tame, even by Puritan American standards.
Do you think this might have played a role in what was going on and that the dress might have been an excuse, or one of two reasons they wanted to remove you?
It seems like there are some intersectioanal forms of oppression going on here. If these men are sexist, then it stands to reason they might be guilty of holding prejudices based on perceived race.
Given the social climate that is unforgiving or prejudices based on perceived race, they may have come up with another excuse to save face from being accused of racism. Not all adults are as petty as these people. I always enjoy reading about the great missionary work Christians do… for atheism. You forgot the Golden Rule: Fortunately, you are a stronger person today for what you experienced, and better equipped to handle that garbage when it really counts and it will.
I think it shows a real lack of maturity on the part of the adult chaperones saying what they did and forcing you out of the dance because of their own personal biases. If you are going to take the high ground on this issue, you are going to need to address this as it should be; a woman-on-woman act of bigotry.
Good luck on your continued education and here is to hoping for a better future where all gender bias is eliminated. I simply wanted to send along some love and support. I hope the issue was resolved and kudos for standing up for yourself and for not feeling beaten down by a mentality that is clearly wrong.
If the black guy in the photo was her date………is she really stupid enough to think her dress was the problem they had with her. Wake up, kid, they are racists. I think it is a good sign that our youth consider other possibilities rather than automatically assuming that the problem was race. On the other hand, it appears this situation was definitely, sadly about race…. You will most likely get tons of help now!
Its a race issue being your boyfriend is black, or 2. Something more personal, or 3. These dads are a bunch of pedophiles. One thing I do have to say is the grammatical errors in this article are atrocious. I think that upset me more THAN the article itself.
I want to see an educated youth. Regardless of sex or race. Your very first item contains a very similar error. I would say the same to you. The youth intelligence level or one single night being ruined by some jerks. If anything that one night is a life lesson to this girl because in adult life you will face these types of people daily.
Speaking on your emotions on an intellectual level will gain more people on your side to help defend your cause. Pick your battles, john. Grammar is a FAR lesser issue than this. Relying from a phone.
A simple grammatical error in an otherwise well-articulated post such as this is nothing compared to the kind of bull-shit with which this girl, and many girls worldwide, have had to, and continue to have to, deal. If the article detailed an honor student doing everything right in this same scenario, How much more publicity would this kick up.
As someone who was a phenomenal student in high school, but also developed very early and had very large breasts, I can assure you that being book-smart and well-spoken does not defend a woman from being treated inappropriately.
I declare his entire string of comments wrong and invalid based on that information alone. Personally I thought your dress was very cute and what I wore to my prom was WAY worse than your dress, cleavage and length wise. As awful as this sounds, you and your parents need to file a formal complaint with your school and school board against the woman who screwed with you about your dress.
Also make a complaint that you were uncomfortable with the male chaperones in the balcony. This prom sounds like something out of a Catholic High School nightmare. You should take solace not only in being right, but also in being infinitely more well-spoken and mature than the troglodytes who kicked you out.
It was unfair and wrong. I would wear the same things as my high school classmates, but is often get called out for violating dress code. Short hair on a young girl, a black date, a miniskirt looking dress, at a conservative homeschool event. Theres a billion reasons she could of got kicked out. What if the balcony was full of racist dads gawking at the girl because of her date?
How do you know? You just pick the subject you want. The haircut gives you away. They should have gone home to play with themselves while you all had a great time. Clare, you looked absolutely stunning and your dress was gorgeous. Is there anyone we can contact to support and advocate for the refund and public apology?
This kind of bullshit excuse my language really frustrates me, and I want to help stand against it. Who Cares Im glad she got kicked out, welcome to the real world. Shit happens, only this new generation cant handle it and cry about it on the internets. Clare I personally believe what the people at the home school prom did was completely uncalled for.
This year was my second year attending this prom and my first year my dress was shorter than yours but it had a see through train that was connected at the waist. I had the train wrapped up at my hips and my dress became shorter than what it was before. Plus all through that time I was grinding and dancing provocatively as well. Many adults saw me but did nothing! This year my dress was mid thigh but because I have a larger sized chest than most girls my age and I even ended up falling out of my dress on multiple occasions.
I had different parents and even my friends told me and I fixed it! If any one should have been kicked out it should have been me! I even stopped multiple times to talk and say hello to the person who put the prom together and yet she never said anything about my breasts and dress! They should take into account that every single person has a different body type and so the dresses will be different fits than to another person!
I hope though that in the future you would have a better time at prom! The Old South still lives and breathes there. As I was reading the story and got to the photo of them in the car I knew immediately the real reason she was asked to leave was most likely because the adult men had a problem with her escort.
The dress and the dancing was simple a smokescreen for a sad…make that very sad…cultural stigma. Shame shame…shame on them. Clare I totally agree with you. How ridiculous … I think that you looked beautiful and appropriately dressed.
Someone in the area should organize a flash mob protest outside the school calling for the termination of this Mrs. If you want to look attractive, awesome. As I said its classy. You were dressed especially tastefully, in my opinion! I apologize for my gender yet again. This may be petty, but if you have a graduation ceremony, wear that dress under your gown and soon as you commence and the ceremony is over walk around with just the dress on. Maybe you could convince your very loyal friends to join you.
This is just a suggestion, personally I did the same thing when I graduated and wore a dress that I preformed in a choir concert in that a huge group of girls said I looked like a hooker in- it was knee length, not very tight, and moderately higher cut in chest and the moment the ceremony was over I took off my gown and walked right by the group.
Maybe it was because your date was non-white. Where was this, Jesustan? It may have less to do with race than with the way her dress fit. On one hand, we tell girls to be proud of their bodies, whatever they look like — tall, short, thick, skinny.
While, on the other hand, people tend to be inconsistent about their standards around what they deem acceptable — and that varies on how different bodies may look in the same dress. I really hope she can go to another prom this year…. From what I can see, the dress, the hair, and the makeup are all age appropriate. It sounds like Clare was was singled out from the get-go. Perhaps she was too happy.
Perhaps she was too fun-loving. Sometimes, very miserable people try to spread their misery onto others.
I am so sorry this happened to you, Clare. The best thing you can do is increase the volume of your happiness, light, and smiles, and that will be the best revenge. It sounds like your only crime was being tall and looking good! I am so, so sorry this happened to you, and I am also very proud and inspired by your post. Thank you for being a voice for clarity and common sense!
In middle school, much to my horror, I developed huge breasts while staying pretty skinny. So, this being the 90s, I decided to adopt the TLC look — baggy, brightly colored clothes — minus the condoms that Left Eye wore, of course! The hatred and ridicule I received was incredible and came from both kids and adults. After a few years I wound up just wearing what most of the other girls wore, except then I was always viewed as some rampant whore because of how my body was built.
I remember in school a girl yelled out across the room that my cleavage made her uncomfortable. Also, I have a sensory issue with t-shirts being too high. A standard t-shirt is to high a neckline for me. This daddy would raise hell at a daughter that bought a dress that showed more than millimeter of skin—and would inevitably lose the argument.
You are gorgeous, your boyfriend is adorbs, and while there many people in the homeschool community who are not religious nutjobs that element is there and I guess those are the type of grown men who want to hang out at Prom. Make the young ladies feel beautiful classy and elegant for a night? I wokred in a Catholic school where the girls have kilts consistently shorter than that on a daily basis We were always sending them to the office to get a slip to allow them out of class so they could adjust their uniforms.
The bottom line is this being in the age bracket of the dads who felt uncomfortable it seems to me that we had a bunch of dirty perverts who used Clare as an excuse to hide their inability to do what was required rather than lustily ogle a teenage girl.
I attend college and just finished my freshmen year again and being surrounded by lovely young attractive ladies I never once felt like I had the need to ogle them. I never felt threatened by what they wore.
My advice to you Clare…. D is but I would be willing to bet that she is 5 foot 2 and weighs about lbs. Most likely jealous her husband would rather eye F high school girls than sleep with her. My Daughters dress to her 8th grade formal was about two fingers above her knees and looked MUCH shorter — those women were plain old jealous — Clare you are a gorgeous girl — I am so sorry that this happened and you had to be exposed to such overt bigotry.
You looked gorgeous, Clare and totally appropriate. Those adults behaved in a deplorable manner and Mrs. D was the worst. How dare she do that to you? I am sorry this happened, but perhaps other Christian homeschoolers will learn from this.
Not everything is race related. You look lovely and classy. And if that boy in the picture was your date, then you must have made a stunning couple. I admire you for having had the intelligence, confidence and courage to stand up for yourself and your friends. Absolutely disgusting, wow, I am so mad for you!!
Another reason why our society is so screwed up. Only one thing to do. Sue each father and the woman for emotional distress. They hold another prom. Those adults pay for everything, including dresses and tux for the boys. They want to treat you like a harlot? Show them in court what a harlot will do to them.
I will admit to qualifying on some occasions as a dirty minded old man. It is my problem. However, I do not see anything particularly tempting about the dress shown.. Are you sure the dress is not just the excuse to remove the biracial couple in the capital of the Confederacy? Her dress was too short, end of story….
It was up to par of the rules. And, in no way, was a revealing dress. Go out to the bars sometime to see some revealing dresses. Every single chaperone at that dance owes this young lady an apology! Real men have self-control and self-discipline. I may glance at other women in dressed, skirts, whatever.
I pity their sons for being raised by such sorry figures. And the women who are married to these men are equally pathetic, which is why they targeted you for being happy. There are many people like this in the world, and it saddens me that you experienced this on a night that was supposed to be a romantic night, a happy night, for you and your boyfriend.
In the future, ignore these people, for they are beneath you and only try to bring misery to you for they themselves are miserable. If you wish to complain directly, prom organizers can be reached at marygosh90 gmail. I sent an email to express my disgust at their actions, I urge you to do the same. They need to learn that it is utterly unacceptable to teach a young girl to be ashamed of her body. The fact that educators and parents are the ones corrupting these young minds with the slut-shaming rape culture that exists in the United States depresses me beyond belief.
Not everything can be blamed on or be consider patriarchy. Yes the dads were perverted and that is wrong and THEY should have been asked to leave. They shouldnt have been there in the first place, noone should being oogled or singled out for any reason.
Stick to your guns girl and I hope you get a chance you go celebrate like you should have been able to. She showed up with a black boyfriend … this was all camouflage for a racial issue. It is Virginia, ya know. It is definitely a problem within a patriarchal society for men to search out any sort of blame for women.
Obviously, males are taught this much more subliminally through friends, media, etc. Unfortunately, there are never enough parents to step up and use common sense approaches to teaching males the problem with gender discrimination.
You did nothing wrong. It is ridiculous that probably one horny adult male chaperone got excited and pointed you out to his friends.
He probably made some inappropriate comments to his similarly disgusting horny friends. One person probably overheard them and took the matter into their hands. You did nothing wrong Clare. It is idiots who think of nothing but sex all the time that are the problem. In reality they were probably sad to see you go because their fantasy object was taken away. I would however, go back to the Richmond Homeschool group and demand that they pay for your dress, which met code but for which you were unjustly harassed.
Thank God you are wrapping up your time with that moronic group. Keep your chin up. You are better than them. Please tell her I am so proud of her for sharing her story! We need young girls to voice their concern for the inequality that still exists in our world.
I went through exactly the same bullshit when I was her age, and it breaks my heart whenever I hear of adults still pulling this nonsense. It is totally unfair that girls are treated like they committed a crime for their physical proportions.
Women especially need to stick together on this one. Keep being you girl, and know that you have my support. Please do not harass her. Reasons for this can be found in the update post. Clare, I hope my little girl grows up to be as intelligent, forthright, and beautiful as you. You did exactly the right thing; the only way to prevent this sort. You are made for great things. You or whomever did your hair and makeup are incredibly talented. Good canvas, and great brushwork.
As for the individuals hey, there could have been closeted lesbian moms, folks who caused your prom to end early, they lead pitiable, confused lives. You had to put up with them on a really important night. Those other kids are being homeschooled by these perverted individuals. All the best as you go onto college, Clare. You and your friends can look forward to some of the best times yet.
When I was an RA, the homeschooled kids were some of the smartest and nicest folks I got to meet. But a lot of the people you meet in college are as backwards as the parents from prom; they just also happen to be drinking and can make passes with no social stigma. Thank you for writing about your experience. Clare, I hope my daughter grows up to be as intelligent, forthright, and beautiful as you. You did the right thing, the only way to change our patriarchal society is by speaking out and shaming people for their unacceptable or even illegal behavior.
I do, however, suspect that part of the issue was the race of your boyfriend. Sorry your senior prom was ruined by adults who should know better. Dam they need to get the old men out of there. I would have gave them something to look at and then told them to kiss it. I hope you receive retribution for this terrible treatment.
Thank you for taking the time to write it down. How inappropriate is that? There seem to be an awful lot of men who cannot control themselves sexually, or accept responsibility for their own sexual responses.
These men need to be kept home, cooking supper for their families, where they belong. And you can see they are not wearing undies. It is just plain gross! I do not want to see anyone with their butt hanging out, their boobs barely covered, or any painted on clothes. Not even to say the oh so popular undies that pretend to be shorts.
Just because you sew a pocket on does not make them shorts! I really do not want to look around and see a girl leaning over and get an eye full of boobs.
No one but you should know what kind of bra you are wearing. Students need to know that a school should be treated as a professional area. But would you dress that way if you had company over or a new business partner?
If the answer is no, you need to ask your child to change and let them know why they need to change. And a dress code needs to address both genders and not place blame on the other gender for distractions. As for the sexual harassment, I am sorry that the other students and teachers did nothing to stop this. No one should have to feel like that. Thank you for the quality and maturity of your post here. I cry bs to what you are saying! For having bodies and young men are not taught too not look at women like sexual objects.
Now with that said, cost is a major issue. Same thing f or shirts that might be a little too tight, that may not be able to pay for new clothes and that is ALL they have! Yoga pants are to be worn to go to yoga. Leggings and stretch pants are to be worn to accessorize a skirt or shorts not to be worn as pant. I repeat stretch pant are not pants!! This is a good article I agree but it is time that the stretch pants fashion disaster went away not just in schools but in public in general!!
It makes NO difference if a man or a woman is wearing spandex leggings, bike shorts, yoga pants, etc. Such statements are generalities to buttress stereotypical viewpoints. I am happily married to a woman that also wears spandex attire, She loves when I wear it, I love when she wears it. People need to respect one another, period. Whatever a person is wearing, they are not necessarily out looking for an easy,sleazy time.
I have several coworkers at a factory where I work that have worn spandex leggings, capris, ,yoga pants, and so on. Not once have I said or done anything that was inappropriate.
No touching, no nasty remarks, no sexual references or comments about having sex with them. I have only looked at them, and that is all. The ladies look very attractive. I keep myself and my thoughts under control, and show respect for the people wearing it to work. People should wear what they want to wear.
Hopefully, people will exercise some self-control when they dress. Whether they do or do not, it is up to each one of us to show that same control when interacting with anyone, however they may or may not be dressed. What works for you may not work for someone else at all. Teach and learn discipline, respect, and self-control. Then situations will improve. As I type this, I am wearing a pair of Nashbar cycling thermal tights, which I have worn out in public before, and will again.
Keep yourselves in control of your life, and never you mind about mine. Sadly there are young women that DO wear very little clothing, or skin tigjt pants in order to attract attention, and as a mother of all boys, I think a little dress code enforcement is great. Granted young men need to relax on the cat calling, fine, but I must argue that young women do the same exact things. I am also the mother of two boys who managed to grow up to be gentlemen who respect women, can work well with women, know how to control their language and are respectful human beings — despite being hounded by oversexed girls throughout high school.
This is NOT a one-sided problem. I am a teacher and have had boys ask for my help as they ask how to deal with a letter, note, email, or text full of sexually explicit offers from girls who dress as sexy as they possibly can. It is a new generation and more of the sexual catcalls are coming from girls. The two picture at the top…neither of them are yoga pants…or at the least the kind the school and the rest of the world refer to. The same as if a guy went to school shirtless or with shorts too short.
I think modesty is important, but still kind of an odd thing. What is considered modest at a swimming pool or gym, is immodest the moment you step inside a public place. We need to look out for others. In high school at Billings Senior High I knew a kid who wore shorts that he could stick his dick out of and no one said anything. Mine are flares that are basically knit slacks. I totally agree with you. I hate this idea that women have to be responsible for the way men act.
Let me play the other side. How many boys have you seen called out for their clothing? I mean, those boys that wear tank tops and tight t-shirts, they are so distracting to girls.
And those boys that wear the super tight jeans that basically show everything they own. What are we doing about them? Because we hold our girls to a completely different standard than we do our boys. I have a large backside, despite not being a very big girl.
I have two choices in pants, swimming in the waist but fits in the backside, or fits at the waist, but a bit snug on the backside. I always go with the larger size and a belt. Because I hate going out and being ogled and cat-called because my pants actually fit my butt or because my V-Neck shows a tiny bit of cleavage. What the hell am I supposed to do? Dressing conservatively ever stopped a damn thing.
Once I had a guy hit my backside, but his hand when further than that. It was probably half butt-half crotch. So I punched him.
I just turned and swung instinctively. But I had had enough. I was not going to take one more hit. In my rage I called him every name I could think of. And suddenly, I was a crazy bitch. I was the problem, I had over-reacted. I was at a bar with my friends, what did I expect? This has got to stop. It stops when we raise our voices. It stops when we say, I am not going to take another hit. When my daughter was 15 we were at a church function in the summer.
My daughter, along with several other girls, were wearing tank tops. They were appropriate and covered their bodies. Unfortunately, not everyone saw it that way. My daughter was very well endowed at 15 and a female parent came over and told her she needed to cover up and made my daughter come with her to get a t-shirt.
Not one other girl was embarrassed like that. She never went to another extra curricular function at church after that. What was it about?? We as people need to impress to children and everyone in our life that no one… I mean no one is asking to be hurt.. Physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually. No person ever deserves to be hurt!!!!! Like sweats Just my opinion. This is a good article. No matter what someone wears wr as adults who are molding these minds need. So to disrespect them or point them out in front of their peers is totally degrading.
This is why we have teen suicides, abuse or whatever. These kids have not had to learn to respect each other no matter whAt they wear or look like. Lets teach our boys to respect that girl who is wearing a skirt a few more inches higher than her knees.
Lets teach them to look at her ad a woman and not a piece of meat. Boys will be boys. So we do know they will have and will be a little more sexual than necessary. But if we teach them to respect each other then maybe no matter what someone wears they show them the respect they deserve.
I had the same experience a couple of years ago with my daughter, who was in the 6th grade. She wore one of those outfits you see in the stores, that has the stretchy pants and a baby doll type long shirt. She wore it to school and they sent her home because they said it looked like tights and a short dress. So the cheerleading outfits are mini skirts and belly shirts, but a girl wears a pair of stretchy pants with a long shirt that covers her bottom and the latter of the two is inappropriate?
Mind you, they also sent her home because her locker door got caught on the bottom of her pants leg and made a small hole near her shin.
They also said this was inappropriate because there was a hole in her jeans that showed skin. Yup you heard that right, shin skin is indecent as well apparently. This article really hits home with me! If any of the boys in her school did half of the things you describe in your high school experience I would be appalled and take it up with the school, as well as their parents. Women should be respected and cherished at all ages, no matter what, because they are Gifts from God.
I had a similar experience. High school was a daily gauntlet of ass-grabbing, pinching, rude jokes and gestures. The teachers did nothing to stop it and one encouraged it. I graduated high school in I thought we had come a lot further, but your post suggests otherwise. I want to start by saying that I fully support and sympathize with your experience in High School regarding dress code and the way your school staff handled it. The events that you described were completely inappropriate.
And no, I could not tell the difference. But as a school staff member myself, I can attest to the fact that not everyone understands what it means to wear clothes how they were meant to be worn.
Take these pictures for example: But not everyone does. If you know me at all, which most of you reading this probably do not, you would know that I support individualism and the unique qualities and styles of others more than most. I, myself, do not conform to satisfy the masses. Which leads to my one and only important point here: Schools are environments meant to mold and shape the young people of our future.
These students are expected to learn and follow rules set by the institutions they attend, preparing them for life after graduation. Not everyone is going to be lucky enough to work from home like you. But the fact of the matter is, life outside of high school is full of rules and codes. I totally felt the same way about the pictured yoga pants but could not put it into words.
The pictured yoga pants are not a good example of how revealing and immodest yoga pants can be. I think most would agree that both of these pictures are appropriate and professional. Kelly — thank you. The real world has rules. Sometimes they even call them laws. The real world has jobs with dress codes. I really like this article. It really shows how ladies are being treated from the guys. Very pleased someone spoke up about it!
Thank you for sharing your story with the world. No one could ever separate me from my style of clothing but myself. I agree with Tanner Rienhart that these students are learning how to dress appropriately to prepare for the work force. The one thing you have to remember is that this could be a whole lot worse. I remember high school with you as all the popular kids treating the band nerds, art nerds, and nerd nerds like garbage.
Trying to start fights with us or calling us names in the hallways and locker rooms. I work in Salt Lake, Utah. Mormon capital of the world. Our states dress code is way harsher than probably any in the country.
The rule is sleeves and to the knees. No tank tops, no skirts, no pajamas, no leggings, no holes in the pants above the knee, no bandanas, and no hats. Camis need to be worn under V neck shirts. Your dress has to be to your knee or you have to go home and get leggings. Girls have jackets, shawls, or straps added to there dress. Since I have been in this environment now you 7 years it is interesting to see with these rules the students treat each other better.
I am so glad my students are not treated the way I was back in school. I so agree with you! Preparing for the real world — and students DO act differently toward each other and toward adults depending upon the way they dress.
Reading your article made me think of America like the arabic world… strange, uh? The US generally is Victorian in its prudishness about bodies, because of our history.
I will take the middle road here. I think that schoolgirls and boys including at the college level should dress with a certain level of decorum. It will help them to be taken more seriously than otherwise….. Once I started to buy things to fit, I was so much more comfortable, and I look better too. All of the same things apply to boys and men. These things are preparation for operating in the real world, workplaces, coming under the full extent of the laws of the nation, etc.
It is likewise unacceptable to single out girls who are genetically endowed with certain assets that draw attention…. So to sum up, kids need to respect themselves and others by wearing appropriate clothing in schools and workplaces, school is a workplace for many, so those rules do apply.
Sexual harassment is against the law for workplaces, and other laws about education. Catcalls, sexual comments, groping, inappropriate touching and clandestine discussions about a particular person are sexual harassment.
Boys and Girls may learn this at home, but honestly, teens learn more from peers than their parents about sex and behavior. Parents can do alot up to the teenage years, but our best chance of success is for parents, teachers and social contacts like church activities, sports teams and youth groups to enforce a standard of behavior.
No one gets excused from the responsibility of teaching children to be adults. And honestly, the respect and dignity of schoolmates is not acceptable collateral damage in order to have a good sports team. I would argue that a good sports team teaches respect for others, good sportsmanship and other admirable qualities.
A good sports team does not trash talk, disrespect others, places team performance above socially acceptable behavior. When a school or coach excuses illegal behavior, they are condoning sexual harassment and deeper offenses and open themselves to be included in the sexual harassment lawsuit. And I work in a very casual, hip office environment where i can wear jeans every day, even out to see clients, as long as i look polished.
Do you need to go home? Sounds like your alma mater has the dress code thing all backwards, and I agree with your main points here. But I actually think dress codes that teach and encourage professional dress are smart policies for a school forming our students, who will become our next workforce.
If ALL schools required uniforms, they could then focus on behavior. When a member of either gender misbehaves, the school deal with it appropriately. Until your school requires you to wear black doc martins. I graduated last year from a school in upstate South Carolina. They have pretty much the exact same dress code, and I never personally found it a problem because I knew the dress code actually helped. Most girls, and guys, would go to school in clothes that were totally fine, but then there were people that I was shocked that their parent had let them out of the house.
In a way, high school is just getting you ready to work. Also, anything that is a violation to the dress code was always enforced on the guys too.
Katelyn — what an excellent response from a young person who sees the logic of the dress code and the fact that it is and should be unbiased. That has nothing to do with yoga pants being dangerous.
I agree with your comments that women should not be punished because of the way their bodies effect men. Men are, contrary to popular belief, capable of self control and should be expected to exhibit such at all times. To imply otherwise with vague notions that girls are to distracting with their clothing is extremely insulting to the gender as a whole.
However, yoga pants are not acceptable attire at school or work. They are unprofessional to wear and both environments should be professional in appearance and decorum. If I misread your stance on where yoga pants should be acceptable, I apologize.
An attractive woman should not be blamed or punished for generating sexual thoughts in a man. These thoughts are natural and will occur. Women should respect themselves and be proud of their femininity. However, if a woman has respect for herself and the men and women around her, she would not purposely do things to try and generate lustful feelings. She would even take steps in attempt to impede such thoughts and feelings. There is no clear line of what is appropriate and what is not.
Most people would agree that naked is inappropriate and that turtle necks are very safe, but there will always be differing views for the gray area in the middle. What is most important is the principle. The principle is 1 love and 2 respect. This is a lie. The devil is very cunning and has convinced millions.
He has even convinced the women themselves. He makes them think that this is where their only worth lies. Their worth lies in their individuality and uniqueness. Each woman has her own personal talents and interests. It is true there is beauty in the body as well. An example of this is the miracle of procreation.
Parents need to teach their children at a young age to respect themselves for who they are whether they be male or female. They need to teach their children to respect those around them no matter if they may be different.
The more love in the world, the less lust there will be. Purposeful modesty is a manifestation of love. Purposeful explicitness is a manifestation of lust.
What kind of woman would want to facilitate and support lustful thoughts? A woman who lacks respect for herself and the men around her. However, many women do not purposefully dress immodestly and many do not have the intention to promote lust.
Many do it because they may lack insight, be feeling apathetic, are naïve to the principles behind their actions, or some other reason out of a million. Nonetheless, there is not one excuse that is more important than good principles. The woman who wrote this article wants nothing more than a pity party thrown for her. She is nowhere saying that yoga pants are universally acceptable in the workplace. I also wear similar things when I work at home. At the office, I am business casual and fairly conservatively so, since I work in finance and found it easier to have just a simple formula for getting dressed.
And I can think of several ways that someone could die or be killed with yoga pants, so the argument that they are not dangerous is not really defensible. This was amazingly written! I read it just as our Middle School has decided to ban Yoga pants.
I have 5 daughters who are also dancers. I have shared this to my Facebook page with the hopes that others in our area will see and share it as well. I have read through several of these posts, and I see what everyone is saying. I happen to be a man, and I have always had a difficult time not gawking just a little at a woman wearing yoga pants. Is it my responsibility to control where I look?
And I do a pretty good job of it. But it takes a great deal of mental and emotional exertion to always have to keep beating down my inner cave-man, and a little help from the women out there would be nice. Not something I want my daughters to have to deal with. I have also noticed that some women dress to show off their bodies in an effort to attract men. I wonder whether this stems from an insecurity that they will be able to attract them otherwise. Bottom line is this: I teach my daughters that they can show others that they respect themselves by dressing modestly.
Now about banning these kinds of pants in school. If educators have noticed that this type of clothing is causing distractions in the classroom, then I feel that we should support them.
Get off their backs and let them do their jobs. Oh, and to label those of us who feel this way in the same sentence with Islamic extremeists is unfair, absurd, and downright rude in the extreme. Thank you and God bless you for recognizing that if educators have seen the distraction firsthand that detracts from learning, that parents should be supportive of that.
That is the only bottom line here. I graduated from high school last year and I had a similar experience. I was wearing a shirt that completly covered my chest and stomach but heaven for bid my shoulders were showing!!
I was sitting in the front of the class and my teacher who was also a girl! Yelled from her desk that she would not start class until I went home and and changed… I was appelled!! With me and my big mouth I stood up for myself and said I came to class for a reason.. Obliviously it did not work.. I felt more harassed by the teachers than I did the students.. And after she did that in front of the class I got so many comments from students like oh Kelsey cover up your shoulders their turning me on..
Well Carmelo, you are certainly correct about one thing: Please bare in mind that the school system is another place for children and teenagers to learn to abide to rules to prepare them for their professional job.
I have a dress code at work where I wear scrubs, a gait belt, and a name tag. If I am seen without these items, I am required to return home and receive no pay for the day. I respect the need to advocate for ourselves when the timing is right, when there is no other substitution. But there are substitutions to yoga pants — there are jeans, shorts, maxi dresses, skirts, etc.
Not only should schools be setting dress codes, as should parents. When my kids step out that door, I ensure that they look respectable and follow the guidelines by the school. Their education is free, so why cause a ruckus over a piece of clothing. Rather than my kids being worried about what they wear, I remind them to focus on bigger pictures like, learning how to balance their checkbook and being attentive to their chores and responsibilities to prepare them for an adult life.
Amen — this is such a ridiculous issue to cause a big scene at school over. If kids are sexually harassing each other — that is a different matter. If you want your kids to wear yoga pants or pajamas all day — then get a license and home school them. This is so spot on! Watch as another female blatantly over exaggerates something in a dramatic story about how she thinks women are being oppressed. This is fucking retarded, go home feminazi. Not once was I told they where to distracting, how can yoga pants lower guys test scores.
In class guys where paying attention to the teacher not staring at girls leggings and yoga pants. I was also in stage Crew and for show nights we had to wear all black and the senior show was always right after school. I am so happy to have read this! What always fired me up was the girls standing behind me were the popular girls and the favorites and had something wayyy worse on, showing their friggin butt! Either way, I love what you said here.
Thank you for writing! I was wondering if you feel there is a line we would consider inappropriate to cross when it comes to dress. No one would think it was reasonable to wear a bikini to class … etc. I have attended a school with a ridiculous dress code before, but do not consider myself a Christian.
I agree with most of this article, but to say girls clothing has no impact whether or not a guy thinks about sex is just being naïve. I admit they are going overboard in your situation with banning yoga pants. I remember in one of my my high school s they only enforced the dress rules for some students. Others were allowed to walk in pajamas and see through t-shirts and g-strings showing because the jeans were too low and bras showing or worse boobs popping out left and right.
I was ashamed to go to a school such as that. Only dress code they forbade had something to do with various gang color combinations, which I can tell you I had no clue which gang color combinations we were not allowed because no formal information dress code packet made it to my parents.
And I was NOT in any gang. I just went to school to learn, and I dressed appropriately as I saw. Maybe because as an immigrant to the US I grew up in a different country with beliefs where going to school in wrinkled things was not appropriate and where wearing pajamas was only intended for bedtime. I understand your point of how the administration is pressuring the girls and making them feel as a target.
In another school that did not put any emphasis and dress code and in my opinion students dressed appropriately I was sexually harassed by other male students. I did not wear tight clothing nor did I show any skin ever. Therefore it is true that clothing has low influence over how students behave.
What is worse I had nobody to report the abuse to. If I had an option for home schooling I would have chosen it. I felt that my grades suffered dramatically because of this. I think parents should educate their children first as they are growing up that they need to respect each other. School should contribute to education but not be the first source of it. Where is the respect? Where are proper manners? Girls are not sex objects. They are people too. No, girls should not dress like nuns unless they wish to be nuns — there is nothing wrong with that but bearing it all out there does not give feminism any proper power.
Ashley, read this on the Billings Gazette today, and just had to tell you what a super article this was and super well-written. Oh, it gets even worse in South Dakota. There is a school here that banned yoga pants and other specific items because they are a distraction to the teachers!
No, not the other students, the teachers!!! Something is just wrong with this. Actually it is a distraction to the teachers. Save it for the clubs, school is a professional setting. Up in my school, they try to hide the bullshit by spreading the dress code to boys as well. When does it go from enforcing a rule to completely manipulating the bodily image of young female students according to a warped social standpoint that encourages disrespect?
Skyview, unfortunately, has definitely crossed that line. At this age, students are more than capable of deciding how they are comfortable dressing, regardless of any gender-biased opinions…and they should not be getting punished and harassed for it!
The majority of yoga pants you see today make it look like the girls are walking around half naked! Relaxed-fit yoga pants are another story. This is something that should start being taught by the parents in the home. Self — respect is also important as well as self worth. To be honest, i enjoy yoga pants and it sounds like you do too… but like you said, you wear them at home not in the hallways of a high school. They reveal a lot and admit it, guys are wired differently than we are.
Why wave something in their face constantly, something that you know is sometimes is their weakness? I know that is getting a little far fetched but really… they have to draw the line some where. Obviously clothing styles have changed since then and yoga pants are practically painted on cloth that shows every line contour and curve.
Might as well not wear pants at all… Why are people so against having a few guidelines and rules that they have to follow?! This article scares me because it brings out alot of pent up feelings I have. Growing up, I developed much faster than other girls in my class. I also remember older men and guys giving me alot of attention when I was young.
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